Eighty-six

After that night, Zhuang Momo forced herself to go to the Song family home three more times.

He told her that she need not worry about his parents; he would slowly persuade them himself. But she was stubborn to the core. A mistake she had made herself, she insisted, must be faced by her own hands.

The first time, before she had even stepped inside, Song Jia Kai’s mother had flung the door shut in her face with a scornful look.

The second time, the maid opened the door. She went in, but no one greeted her. For a full fifteen minutes she stood miserably in the Song family living room, utterly at a loss, and in the end she slunk back out again.

The third time she went, Madam Song treated her as though she were invisible, carrying on with her phone conversation by herself. It was not until she seemed to grow tired of speaking that she called toward the kitchen, “Mrs. Wu, make some tea.” At once, Zhuang Momo seized the chance with delight, rushed over in two quick steps to brew the tea, and brought it to Madam Song.

Her face was all ingratiating caution. This time it was Madam Song who sighed, her brows deeply furrowed.

“Do you not care at all about your own dignity? If you’re not welcome in someone else’s home, why keep coming back over and over?”

“Auntie, I know I’m not worthy of Song Jia Kai. At first, I didn’t want to drag him down either, but now, by this point, I can no longer bring myself to say those words that would clear me of everything. Say I’m shameless if you like, say I have no sense of shame if you want. I just don’t want to make things difficult for Song Jia Kai anymore. There’s nothing else I can do for him, so let me take a few scoldings in his place...”

On the Friday when Song Jia Kai received his mother’s call, telling him to come home for dinner, he was still at work.

When he got home and saw Zhuang Momo’s car parked outside, he could not help finding it strange. Walking inside, he saw his mother in the living room reading a magazine, while Zhuang Momo, wearing an apron and carrying a dish from the kitchen, came out into view. She too seemed rather surprised to see him.

“You’re back?”

But Song Jia Kai did not answer. His expression turned cold at once.

“Mom, why are you making her work?”

Madam Song continued turning the pages of her magazine at an unhurried pace, as if she did not see his displeasure at all.

“She came herself to learn cooking from our maid. I haven’t even charged her for the use of our place or the tuition yet.”

Embarrassed and desperate to signal him, Zhuang Momo tugged and dragged Song Jia Kai out of the living room before he could start a quarrel with his mother.

“Zhuang Momo, what are you doing? If you want to flatter someone, at least find the right place, will you? Who told you to do all this?” He puffed out his cheeks, the fire he had held back all bursting toward her now. He reached to undo her apron, but she twisted and swatted away from him.

“What’s wrong with flattering someone? Saying a few nice things to an elder and making her happy, is that illegal? Besides... from the start, I was reaching above my station to marry into your family. I have nothing, I’m good for nothing, and I’ve made such a huge mistake. Was I supposed to act all high and mighty and pretend to be some bodhisattva for people to worship? Even an idiot wouldn’t bring a woman like that home.”

Song Jia Kai’s brow furrowed even more deeply, caught between frustration and heartache.

“What kind of nonsense is that? I’ve never thought you were reaching above your station. Besides, I was the shameless one who pursued you in the first place...”

“Enough!” Zhuang Momo smiled brightly and poked his arm. “Do you think it’s easy to marry into a rich family as a daughter-in-law? Just keep quiet, and don’t ruin my plans!”

Still smiling, she pushed him into the dining room. At last it was time to eat. Zhuang Momo was busy serving rice and ladling soup, simply refusing to sit down. Song Jia Kai watched her with growing anxiety, and in the end could not help shouting, “Stop fussing. Eat your own meal!”

That shout left Zhuang Momo flustered again. She stood there in a daze, the whole table thick with awkwardness. Only when Father Song could no longer bear to watch did he clear his throat. Then Madam Song turned her head away and, with a trace of impatience, said, “Why are you standing there? Watching us eat?”

Zhuang Momo smiled, and only then finally found the chance to sit down.

This family, every one of them, wore a cold face but harbored a kind heart. Every bite and every spoonful she took became gratitude. Then she remembered the first time she had come to Song Jia Kai’s home; back then, his parents had been so warm and approachable, so kind and considerate to her. All of this had been her own choice in the end, and she truly could not blame anyone else.

What rose in her heart was not guilt so much as remorse, and beneath it, a lingering sadness.

Amid the clear, delicate sounds of chopsticks touching bowls and plates, Madam Song murmured, almost to herself, “The eighth day of next month is an auspicious date. If you’re going to get engaged, then do it quickly!”